July 2023
Mississippi River
Jason and I took our kids to the Mississippi river in Dubuque, Iowa last week. It was so peaceful as we watched the kids play along the river with the green rolling hills, covered in evergreen trees, dotting the landscape in the background. The big, majestic bridges cascaded over the river as travelers were busy getting to where they needed to go. Jason and I looked down the river to watch boats floating up the river and the locks opening and closing to let them through. I was pondering about how different we are but so connected at the same time. We are each building our lives with individual aspirations, but we need each other to reach our highest selves. We yearn for heaven’s peace and comfort as we are troubled or confused.
I watched the fountains dance with water, choreographed with mid- 16th century music, several years ago in Versailles, France. I was thinking of those that wrote, played, and listened to the music. Those that wrote the music received musical inspiration down from heaven to their minds, and then wrote their impressions on manuscript paper. The musicians performing the pieces had the ability to transform these masterpieces from music notes on a page to breathtaking concertos which filled the air with tender musical emotions. The listeners could then listen and fill their souls with inspiration, love, courage or a myriad of feelings which their hearts and minds were willing to receive. Each person has an individual role to play. Each person is vital. We need the grace and mercy of our Savior to reach the highest point of our privileges. We all must do our part.
God loves us. We are His children. Let us run patiently the race that is set before us.
April 2023
Trust in the Lord
In February of 2020, my life changed forever. Before and also during that time, most of my siblings were involved in marathons, races and strength enduring competitions and I wanted “in” too. I just had my sixth child a few years before, which completed our family. I finally decided that it was time. I laced up my shoes and ran along a beautiful trail which was only a short block from my home. It was marvelous! It was physically difficult to run at first, but I was determined not to give up. I was getting faster, running farther, and enduring longer. I loved getting stronger. I remember during the early moments of the morning, watching my breath freeze in the air, and my thoughts turned towards God. I prayed and pondered what I was to do in my life. I was working diligently on my “Praise of Mercy” books. I could hear music in my mind and then would write it down when I returned home. I found myself leading choirs in the open air, singing the hymns of peace that I arranged on the trail as I ran. Love for our Savior, music, my children, and husband filled my heart with joy.
On November 2, 2020 I went for a 9 mile jog early in the morning. When I was around mile 8, I had to stop running and walk the rest of the way home. I wasn’t feeling quite right. I laid down after my shower and developed a horrible fever which continued for three weeks. I went to the doctor and they couldn’t find anything wrong, except for a virus. I received blessings from Jason to help relieve the pain that I was enduring. I started to lose my balance. I assumed it was from the fever. I was so weak. I used a walker to help me get around. My vision was going blurry and unfocused. As the days progressed, I noticed that my speech was changing. My speech was getting labored.
Right before Christmas, I lost my balance and fell. I broke my left ankle and fibula. I was rushed to the emergency room fearing there was something worse. After an x-ray, a brain MRI and cast from my toes up to my knee, I was sent home to recover. Shortly thereafter, I lost the ability to use my muscles. I couldn’t lift my head or arms. I experienced double vision, balance issues and severe slurred speech. I could only drink out of a straw, as the water choked me on the way down. I could barely eat. Most of my food spilled down my shirt. My left hand continually shook back and forth. I lost all abilities to play the piano and even write my name. I felt like everything was gone.
As I laid in bed a few weeks later, I experienced intense pain down my right arm to my fingertips. I tried to roll back and forth in bed to relieve the pain, with no success. I finally begged Jason to take me to the emergency room. I was told that I was experiencing severe nerve pain down my right shoulder. I had a second MRI done of my spine and sent home to recover after a very long night in the ER.
Days and weeks passed with very slow recovery. Many days, unrecognizable. I received more blessings for healing. I remember feeling very strongly during one of the blessings that I am to trust in our Savior. That feeling kept me going forward during some of the most challenging times. I lost control of my left hand and muscles throughout my back. I remember sitting in my van and crying over all of my difficulties. A calming feeling came over me as I repeated over and over, “I can’t do this.” I felt a sweet whisper in my heart, “Yes you can. With my help, you can.” February of 2022, I lost my balance and fell again. I broke the middle of my foot. I crawled to the living room to reach my phone and call my friend for help. She was by my side in ten minutes. Miracle. I was back in my wheelchair again for ten weeks and physical therapy after that.
It has now been 2 ½ years since November 2, 2020. I have been truly humbled by the kindness and generosity of my family and friends. My mom has checked on me daily with love. My husband and children have been my support. The most important lesson that I have learned these past few years can be found in Isaiah 12:2, “Behold, God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid”. I have since moved to Illinois with my family to a beautiful area. I can walk around the block now with my walker. There is a trail along a river just a few blocks from my house. I can't wait to run along the trail with my arms leading imaginary choirs with my mind flooded with music yet to be written! I have faith that all will be ok. Miracles are everywhere. We just need eyes to see and ears to hear. God loves us. I am hoping to continue to write many more novels and music books soon. Life is a blessing.
January 2019
My Story
I have always loved music. It has always brought comfort to me. I remember when I was in elementary school, the Utah Symphony came to play. I was mesmerized! I couldn't believe how beautiful each instrument sounded! At that moment, I knew that I wanted music to be part of me.
I signed up for band and learned to play the flute and trombone. I loved every moment in my band classes all the way through high school. My mother has always been an amazing pianist. I learned the basics in piano playing from her and then continued to teach myself. I remember entering an original piano composition in a music contest in high school. To my absolute surprise, I won 1st place. I did not know I could even write music. I could barely play what I had written, but there it was. I realized at that moment that I had an ability to put notes together on a page. I wrote a few more original piano pieces to continue to learn and improve. I loved it!
Well, high school came and went, college also came and went. Oh, but I had a marvelous time in college though. I served a mission for my church in Donetsk, Ukraine. I graduated with my bachelor’s degree in International Law and Diplomacy from Brigham Young University and thereafter spent many years living in Russia and Ukraine. I loved every moment. I came home and met up with a fellow trombone player from my band in high school (Jason Henry) and three years later we were married. It was a marvelous day! A truly marvelous day! We were married in the Bountiful, Utah temple on November 12, 2004.
Jason and I were anxious to have children from the get-go. We were so excited to become parents. After four and a half years of prayer and visiting infertility doctor after doctor, our beautiful daughter Emily was born to us. What a miracle she was and still is in our lives. We love her dearly. We didn't think our love could expand any more than that, but the heavens had other ideas for us. 19 months later, our twin boys were born. Gabriel and Spencer! Our lives would never be the same again! What amazing boys they are! We were blessed again 22 months later with our wonderful son, Jacob, and again in another 22 months after that with our fourth son, Dylan. What a beautiful family we had! Jason and I couldn't love them more. 26 months after Dylan was born, Madeline came from heaven to join our family!! What a joy she is to us! We love her to pieces!
After our sweet Madeline was born, I was not feeling quite right. My brain felt foggy. It was hard for me to find joy and peace. I could not understand how I could be blessed with such a loving husband and six beautiful children, who are all amazing little spirits, and struggle to find joy in my life. I prayed and read my scriptures, but still struggled. I remember days just holding my head and thinking, "what is happening? Where is the joy that I desperately want to feel?" After reaching out to trusted friends and family and through the unrelentless love and support of my dear husband, I finally understood that it was time to go see my doctor. I was told that I was experiencing post-partum depression. I had never experienced anything like this before. I did not understand how or why it had happened. It was incredibly difficult. I depended on my husband to lead and guide our family during that time as I was working on getting better.
I remember one day pondering about different ways that had brought me joy in the past. I remembered about music. I remembered sitting at the piano, with my dad sitting in his recliner next to me with his eyes closed, asking me to keep playing for him. I had remembered that several years ago, I had written a hymn arrangement for vocal solo with piano accompaniment, "I know That My Redeemer Lives" for a missionary that I had known. It was a simple, short arrangement. I looked everywhere for it and finally found the first two pages. There were originally three. My mind reflected on the time I sat at the piano trying to add my testimony through music to that hymn. I enjoyed it. I thought music might be a way to find that joy in my life that I once felt so easily. I started writing an arrangement for "Our Savior's Love". It was my favorite hymn. I just wanted to see if I could still write. It took me a solid month of writing, but I remembered. I remembered how it felt to feel the inspiration from heaven as the music notes hit the paper. I could feel my heart swell as I continued to write. How grateful I am for music.
I have learned that music is a conduit to heaven. Power of music can be felt by all of God's children. It can be written as an expression of love and gratitude to our Savior for his infinite atonement for each of us. I am still learning every day though. Oh yes, every day is a learning experience for me - how to love like the Savior loves, how to have patience with my children, how to be a loving and supportive wife to my dear husband, how to serve and how to better show gratitude. Life is a process of growth. I know that our Heavenly Father gives us beautiful ways to feel of His love for us. Music is one of those ways.
Mississippi River
Jason and I took our kids to the Mississippi river in Dubuque, Iowa last week. It was so peaceful as we watched the kids play along the river with the green rolling hills, covered in evergreen trees, dotting the landscape in the background. The big, majestic bridges cascaded over the river as travelers were busy getting to where they needed to go. Jason and I looked down the river to watch boats floating up the river and the locks opening and closing to let them through. I was pondering about how different we are but so connected at the same time. We are each building our lives with individual aspirations, but we need each other to reach our highest selves. We yearn for heaven’s peace and comfort as we are troubled or confused.
I watched the fountains dance with water, choreographed with mid- 16th century music, several years ago in Versailles, France. I was thinking of those that wrote, played, and listened to the music. Those that wrote the music received musical inspiration down from heaven to their minds, and then wrote their impressions on manuscript paper. The musicians performing the pieces had the ability to transform these masterpieces from music notes on a page to breathtaking concertos which filled the air with tender musical emotions. The listeners could then listen and fill their souls with inspiration, love, courage or a myriad of feelings which their hearts and minds were willing to receive. Each person has an individual role to play. Each person is vital. We need the grace and mercy of our Savior to reach the highest point of our privileges. We all must do our part.
God loves us. We are His children. Let us run patiently the race that is set before us.
April 2023
Trust in the Lord
In February of 2020, my life changed forever. Before and also during that time, most of my siblings were involved in marathons, races and strength enduring competitions and I wanted “in” too. I just had my sixth child a few years before, which completed our family. I finally decided that it was time. I laced up my shoes and ran along a beautiful trail which was only a short block from my home. It was marvelous! It was physically difficult to run at first, but I was determined not to give up. I was getting faster, running farther, and enduring longer. I loved getting stronger. I remember during the early moments of the morning, watching my breath freeze in the air, and my thoughts turned towards God. I prayed and pondered what I was to do in my life. I was working diligently on my “Praise of Mercy” books. I could hear music in my mind and then would write it down when I returned home. I found myself leading choirs in the open air, singing the hymns of peace that I arranged on the trail as I ran. Love for our Savior, music, my children, and husband filled my heart with joy.
On November 2, 2020 I went for a 9 mile jog early in the morning. When I was around mile 8, I had to stop running and walk the rest of the way home. I wasn’t feeling quite right. I laid down after my shower and developed a horrible fever which continued for three weeks. I went to the doctor and they couldn’t find anything wrong, except for a virus. I received blessings from Jason to help relieve the pain that I was enduring. I started to lose my balance. I assumed it was from the fever. I was so weak. I used a walker to help me get around. My vision was going blurry and unfocused. As the days progressed, I noticed that my speech was changing. My speech was getting labored.
Right before Christmas, I lost my balance and fell. I broke my left ankle and fibula. I was rushed to the emergency room fearing there was something worse. After an x-ray, a brain MRI and cast from my toes up to my knee, I was sent home to recover. Shortly thereafter, I lost the ability to use my muscles. I couldn’t lift my head or arms. I experienced double vision, balance issues and severe slurred speech. I could only drink out of a straw, as the water choked me on the way down. I could barely eat. Most of my food spilled down my shirt. My left hand continually shook back and forth. I lost all abilities to play the piano and even write my name. I felt like everything was gone.
As I laid in bed a few weeks later, I experienced intense pain down my right arm to my fingertips. I tried to roll back and forth in bed to relieve the pain, with no success. I finally begged Jason to take me to the emergency room. I was told that I was experiencing severe nerve pain down my right shoulder. I had a second MRI done of my spine and sent home to recover after a very long night in the ER.
Days and weeks passed with very slow recovery. Many days, unrecognizable. I received more blessings for healing. I remember feeling very strongly during one of the blessings that I am to trust in our Savior. That feeling kept me going forward during some of the most challenging times. I lost control of my left hand and muscles throughout my back. I remember sitting in my van and crying over all of my difficulties. A calming feeling came over me as I repeated over and over, “I can’t do this.” I felt a sweet whisper in my heart, “Yes you can. With my help, you can.” February of 2022, I lost my balance and fell again. I broke the middle of my foot. I crawled to the living room to reach my phone and call my friend for help. She was by my side in ten minutes. Miracle. I was back in my wheelchair again for ten weeks and physical therapy after that.
It has now been 2 ½ years since November 2, 2020. I have been truly humbled by the kindness and generosity of my family and friends. My mom has checked on me daily with love. My husband and children have been my support. The most important lesson that I have learned these past few years can be found in Isaiah 12:2, “Behold, God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid”. I have since moved to Illinois with my family to a beautiful area. I can walk around the block now with my walker. There is a trail along a river just a few blocks from my house. I can't wait to run along the trail with my arms leading imaginary choirs with my mind flooded with music yet to be written! I have faith that all will be ok. Miracles are everywhere. We just need eyes to see and ears to hear. God loves us. I am hoping to continue to write many more novels and music books soon. Life is a blessing.
January 2019
My Story
I have always loved music. It has always brought comfort to me. I remember when I was in elementary school, the Utah Symphony came to play. I was mesmerized! I couldn't believe how beautiful each instrument sounded! At that moment, I knew that I wanted music to be part of me.
I signed up for band and learned to play the flute and trombone. I loved every moment in my band classes all the way through high school. My mother has always been an amazing pianist. I learned the basics in piano playing from her and then continued to teach myself. I remember entering an original piano composition in a music contest in high school. To my absolute surprise, I won 1st place. I did not know I could even write music. I could barely play what I had written, but there it was. I realized at that moment that I had an ability to put notes together on a page. I wrote a few more original piano pieces to continue to learn and improve. I loved it!
Well, high school came and went, college also came and went. Oh, but I had a marvelous time in college though. I served a mission for my church in Donetsk, Ukraine. I graduated with my bachelor’s degree in International Law and Diplomacy from Brigham Young University and thereafter spent many years living in Russia and Ukraine. I loved every moment. I came home and met up with a fellow trombone player from my band in high school (Jason Henry) and three years later we were married. It was a marvelous day! A truly marvelous day! We were married in the Bountiful, Utah temple on November 12, 2004.
Jason and I were anxious to have children from the get-go. We were so excited to become parents. After four and a half years of prayer and visiting infertility doctor after doctor, our beautiful daughter Emily was born to us. What a miracle she was and still is in our lives. We love her dearly. We didn't think our love could expand any more than that, but the heavens had other ideas for us. 19 months later, our twin boys were born. Gabriel and Spencer! Our lives would never be the same again! What amazing boys they are! We were blessed again 22 months later with our wonderful son, Jacob, and again in another 22 months after that with our fourth son, Dylan. What a beautiful family we had! Jason and I couldn't love them more. 26 months after Dylan was born, Madeline came from heaven to join our family!! What a joy she is to us! We love her to pieces!
After our sweet Madeline was born, I was not feeling quite right. My brain felt foggy. It was hard for me to find joy and peace. I could not understand how I could be blessed with such a loving husband and six beautiful children, who are all amazing little spirits, and struggle to find joy in my life. I prayed and read my scriptures, but still struggled. I remember days just holding my head and thinking, "what is happening? Where is the joy that I desperately want to feel?" After reaching out to trusted friends and family and through the unrelentless love and support of my dear husband, I finally understood that it was time to go see my doctor. I was told that I was experiencing post-partum depression. I had never experienced anything like this before. I did not understand how or why it had happened. It was incredibly difficult. I depended on my husband to lead and guide our family during that time as I was working on getting better.
I remember one day pondering about different ways that had brought me joy in the past. I remembered about music. I remembered sitting at the piano, with my dad sitting in his recliner next to me with his eyes closed, asking me to keep playing for him. I had remembered that several years ago, I had written a hymn arrangement for vocal solo with piano accompaniment, "I know That My Redeemer Lives" for a missionary that I had known. It was a simple, short arrangement. I looked everywhere for it and finally found the first two pages. There were originally three. My mind reflected on the time I sat at the piano trying to add my testimony through music to that hymn. I enjoyed it. I thought music might be a way to find that joy in my life that I once felt so easily. I started writing an arrangement for "Our Savior's Love". It was my favorite hymn. I just wanted to see if I could still write. It took me a solid month of writing, but I remembered. I remembered how it felt to feel the inspiration from heaven as the music notes hit the paper. I could feel my heart swell as I continued to write. How grateful I am for music.
I have learned that music is a conduit to heaven. Power of music can be felt by all of God's children. It can be written as an expression of love and gratitude to our Savior for his infinite atonement for each of us. I am still learning every day though. Oh yes, every day is a learning experience for me - how to love like the Savior loves, how to have patience with my children, how to be a loving and supportive wife to my dear husband, how to serve and how to better show gratitude. Life is a process of growth. I know that our Heavenly Father gives us beautiful ways to feel of His love for us. Music is one of those ways.
